THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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