when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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