I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's like iHOP with fire
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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