That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
