jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
