My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
