allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
