sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
