Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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