i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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