I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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