covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
