the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got her a Nickelback box set.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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