Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
