I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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