he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
