Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
