the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
