i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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