I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
