I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
