Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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