i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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