So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
