I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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