is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Pants are for mortals
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
