I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
