Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
