I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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