Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
