Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
