I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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