Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
