Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
