I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
