WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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