For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize