I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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