I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
