are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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