kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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