the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
