you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
