who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
