New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
