so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
