his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Holy sore nipples Batman
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
