fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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