I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
