im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
