you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
