I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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