I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
