I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So much rum. So many feels.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
