it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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