I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
