she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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