In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just googled if crying burns calories
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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