He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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