I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
