so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
