There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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