I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
