no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
